“I have been seeing a man named Tony for the past three months. He is very sweet to me but I have no idea what the heck is going to happen. We have spent a lot of time together but I am just not sure if we are on the same path even though we do seem very compatible. He was here last night while I was on the teleseminar with you.” Susie, Gainesville, FL
In looking at your cards, I understand why I didn’t have a sense that you’re having fun in this relationship. It looks as if you feel like you”should” be having fun, but I’m not sure you are. What I do see is that you tend to worry about whatever is up for you and it uproots you. You manage but there is no personal sense of security while you’re floating above your body. Better to be rooted. How can Tony get comfortable with you when you are mostly “not available” even if you think you are.
Tony is at an interesting place himself. He is right in the middle of a big change-over mentally. A breakthrough place where he may decide to stop coasting and instead ask for what he really wants. He feels the need to take control of his life, maybe a new job? and he wants to do it in a way that brings him better balance. Is it possible that he feels your desire to make something happen, one way or the other?
He sees you as someone who would love to be married with your own family, even if you haven’t said so. However, he sees you also as stretched thin emotionally. Wanting to move forward, wanting to take a chance on life but so afraid that you will make your life worse. Although he is attracted to you, even loves you, I think there is a fear that you are emotionally insecure. He is sensing that you are not trusting life to support you.
I have the feeling that he would like to continue in this relationship but it would help if you were able to work on your personal insecurities. It’s possible he is similar to you and that is holding him back. Either way, he seems to be at a standstill even though he appears to love you.
Have you ever thought of being direct and asking him what he is looking for in a relationship? Is he interested in being married? Would he ever want kids? I’ve noticed that women who were abused as children are often afraid to speak up for their own needs. See if that applies to you.