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Dear Angels,
"Douglas and I lived together for one year at the end of our 5 year relationship.  He was the love of my life but an alcoholic. He did some cruel and hurtful things. In the past 8 years, I have pictured what it would be like to welcome him back into my life - if only without the torment of his alcoholism.
I was also far from perfect, being very emotional and hysterical when we were together.

Last week I googled him one last time and got his obituary.  He died suddenly in Feb.  I have never felt such regret. Does he still love me? Did he ever try to call?  I can't concentrate and keep sobbing for him.  I can't believe I screwed up so very badly.  He was the love of my life."  Liz, El Centro, CA

Dear Liz,
What your Angels are showing me is that you are living as if you had never split.  Somehow you are thinking that his alcoholic problems could magically disappear if you two were able to live together.  The opposite is probably true. If you had lived together longer, you would probably have no emotional baseline at all.

Alcoholism doesn't disappear just because you wish it.  The alcoholic and the codependent are two sides of the same emotional illness.  They feed on each other until one or the other is sick and hateful.  Abuse, which you already experienced, rules your life until one day you awake to find yourself a wisp of the woman you used to be. 

Douglas released you long ago knowing he was unable and unwilling to give up his addiction.  It is time to release your addiction to him if only to create a healthier life for you and your child.
 


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