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Dear Angels,
"I met a guy about a year ago who gave me the most amazing, wonderful, nourishing experience of being in a relationship with him.  Even in his worst moments, he was kind, connective, communicated well and treated me the best I've ever been treated. I loved exploring life with him and I have never loved myself so much as when I was with him.

The one extremely limiting factor is he is VERY young.  He needed to return to college and become an adult. I am past that stage in my life.   He is the only person, ever, that no matter how hard I try to let him go, I can't.  We are both so connected to each other!

So, I'm asking for guidance...in whatever direction that I need to go. I know enough to know that as long as I am connected to him, it can prevent an even more powerful experience from coming forward with someone more age appropriate."  Elysa, Oakland, CA

Dear Elysa,
Life is cruel sometimes.  Mr. Fabulous appears but he's only a hop and a skip from the cradle. Your Angels are showing me that you are each others teacher. He is showing you that it is possible to find a man you are attracted to who is lovable, and loving, someone trustworthy, and someone whose head is slanted your way in your beliefs about life.  He respects your wisdom while he is turned on to your body.  He is open to give and receive. How could you not be attracted to this man?  He sees you as beautiful, spiritually wise, and living life as he would choose for himself.

Your Angels are pointing out that he is really unavailable. He has some necessary stretching to do in maturing in life before you two catch up. That makes him safe to love.  It's another version of selecting a guy who is unavailable because... (name your game.)  Due to the age difference, you will  always be at different stages of your life. Imagine being 50 when he is 35.  Maybe this is not so appealing. 

You have come into each others lives to show you  both that this male-female thing can actually work. It is possible to be respected and loved.  It is possible to share your heart and not have the other person trample on it.  Be friends and lovers all you like. Just know that as he steps into the adult world after the protective shelter of college, he will have many new options to consider, from women to work.

If you are able, it is advisable to be friends, and learn from this experience. Now you know what having a terrific relationship looks like. If you need to go back and relive some of your great times together, then give yourself permission to reconnect. Some times, we need more time to process what works and what doesn't to be able to let go.

When you are ready and feel more certain of your choice, ask for and receive an age-appropriate guy who has these qualities that make this one so appealing.
 


Comments

Elysa

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:08:27

Suzy! This message takes my breathe away. It is so sad to me, yet I feel the vibration of it matching what I feel deep inside, but not wanting to pay attention to. I have not wanted to look at the possibility of not having him in my life long term. We are amazing together. We light up around each other and it's the most beautiful thing. Although, we will always be at different stages. I understand and will begin to ask for strength and guidance to let him go so he can be free and I can be free. I suppose either way, letting go of an unavailable man can only continue to expand me into choosing someone who can match me. Thank you for your message and your time. You are a gift!

 

suzy

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:06:01

Hi Elysa,
I don't think the Angels said you had to let go of him. Rather, if you play it out, you will either figure out that you are willing to take the risks involved or not. You don't seem to be finished. Some times we have to go back and continue until we know for sure, 'yes' or 'no.' You would not be the first couple to choose to be together with large age differences. When you recall past relationships, you know there are many worst configurations.
I realize this is way too confusing.I just have the feeling that this is not complete, one way or the other. Who said that love and joy were not the way to bliss? Every gay couple knows that traditional coupling is fine for some, but not for them. Although you are not gay, maybe this applies to you. You are not the everyday person, Elysa.

 

Elysa

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:10:22


In reading through this message, there was 1 sentence that completely caught my attention "if you couldn't accomplish your imagined future, the picture would not have come into your head". I have had visions of my future that are so powerful yet have had the inability to make them happen...perhaps because of timing combined with my inability due to my low self-esteem. I have thought so many times that my imagined future was more torture than exciting because it was always out of reach...and still is on some level. But it never goes away even when i try to ignore it. It just gets stronger and stronger and reading this sentence just hit a cord deep inside me that it really is possible....it really is possible to experience what i have dreamed about for years! thank you for the message!

 



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